My "Do Over" Child

From left to right Madeline, Tim, Monica, Jack, and baby Michael. Dog Ginny too!

At the ripe old age of 46 I gave birth to our 5th child Michael. At the time of my pregnancy our older children were 6, 8, 10, and 12 years old. Given their ages, they had a pretty good understanding of what it would be like to welcome a new sibling to the clan.

Our daughter Monica who was 10 at the time was particularly astute as she observed how our family was about to change. Apparently she had given a lot of thought to her future sibling and how she or he would be raised. Towards the end of the pregnancy she said to me, “Just think Mom, this could be your do-over baby.” She further explained how I wouldn’t make the same mistakes with this baby that I made with all the others. “

At the time, her words felt like a bit of a sucker punch. But she was right. This baby was “a clean slate” as Monica called him and I had the opportunity to rethink how the newest McDonough would be raised. In all honesty, her words were a bit of a “wake up” call for me and my husband Tim. We didn’t have to parent on autopilot and follow the same old script. It was the 21st century now and we had the opportunity to change things up.

My intent here is NOT to discuss how our parenting style changed with our 5th kid. Spoiler Alert: the changes were nuanced and not monumental! However, I am pondering the notion of Do-Overs here and how this concept is available to all of us. We don’t think twice about “re-doing” our home decor or “re-doing” our wardrobe. But what about “re-doing” the parts of our lives that just don’t work anymore? For me this requires being open and willing to look at other possibilities that we may be tempted to dismiss.

Most of us live our lives on autopilot. And, for some aspects of our life, it’s a good thing. Brushing our teeth, going to work, getting dressed and similar activities work well when we are on autopilot. There is less for our brain to think about. We just do it!

But what about the other parts of our life? Like, how we spend our free time, who we socialize with, and how we operate in the world? Did you ever stop to consider if there is one aspect of your life that may need some updating?

In my humble opinion, there is always a simple space to “re-do” one aspect of our lives. It doesn’t have to be monumental. For me it starts by paying attention. As I was following my morning ritual of prayer and meditation followed by catching up on the news, I noticed how calm and grounded I feel after prayer/meditation only to have these sensations take a 180 degree turn after reading the news. This contrast has me thinking that I may need to “re-do” my morning routine. I’m thinking that it will take some tinkering but I’m working on it

What about you? Is there something in your life that may need some updating? I would love to hear your ideas!